Once & Again
by Addison Beckett
Summary: This will end up beeing a Carsan.. hopefully ;)part 2 is up .. enjoy :)
1. Default Chapter

**A/N .. thanks to Helen for beeing my beta reader since english isnt my mother tongue :)**

**Once and Again**

„Excuse me? Dr. Carter? .. please wake up… Dr. Carter?" John opened his eyes, surprised to see a red haired woman in front of him. "Uhm..what?" he asked still a bit sleepy "The plane just arrived ..we´re in Chicago." He blinked and looked out of the window. "Oh yeah sure" He straigtened his shirt and stood up. His knees were a bit weak from the flight and he was still tired as hell. "Have a nice time." the stewardess called after him while he left the airplane.

About 45 minutes later when he finally found his luggage all he wanted was to go home. To go home and sleep. Africa had been horrible. He mostly worked over 30 hours straight with just 5 hours of sleep in between. John had loved to help people. He cared for them, but it had worn him out. He lost about 10 pounds and with his beard he looks rather like 55 and not like 35.

When he opened the door to his apartment he felt like he was going to faint. He had no energy saved and his strength left him more and more with every breath he took.. He made his way to the bedroom, not knowing where he found to strength to keep walking. As he reached the bed he just closed his eyes and let his body fall onto it.

About 14 hours later he opened his eyes. He looked at his alarm clock. It read 6:13 am. He took a deep breath. He signed in at county for 9:00 am. So he decided to take a long hot shower and then have some breakfast.

The hot water felt good on his skin. It had been months since he took a **real** shower. His muscles relaxed and he was feeling better by the minute.

He stepped out off the shower and dressed himself. He looked at the mirror. The Beard was kinda weird on him. _Shall I take him off? _He asked himself but decided against it.

He searched the whole kitchen for something to eat but failed. Finally he stuck with a cup of coffee. He looked at his watch. Almost 8:30 am. He stood up taking the last sip of his coffee and made his way to the door leaving the cup on the table.

While putting on his shoes and coat he took a deep breath. _First day back at county_. He sighed and and left his apartment.

Meanwhile Susan Lewis was working at the admin desk. Her hands were all sweaty and her blond hair was kind of crappy. Her shift was almost over and she thanked god for that. She hated double shifts especially when she had to do them for over 1 week now. They were short staffed and needed an extra pair of hands. Susan was single… no one waited for her at home and that was the reason they asked her in the first place. She sighed and sat down. Why did people punish her for being alone? It wasn't her fault she was single and had noone to be with. She didn't decide to break up with John Carter .. well she did .. but she had to. He wasn't in love with her at all. He was in love with her friend Abby. That was obvious. He followed her around like a little puppy.

She even married a flight nurse names Chuck last year on a whim because she was sick of being alone. They had fun for a few days in Vegas but decided to annul their marriage considerinmg they weren t in love with each other. So she was single again.

Susan liked Abby. She had been really good friends with her for over half a year now. And she was happy for John. Happy that he found his luck with her. But then he decided to go to the Congo to work there. Susan knew that John wanted to help. She knew he was a good doctor and that those people needed the help and she understood why he had to do this. But she was kind of worried about Abby and Johns relationship.

And then the letter arrived. Abby threw it away but she missed the basket and Frank., the noisy desk-clerk had nothing more to do then take her letter off the ground and read it. He told everyone that Carter broke up with her in that letter and Abby was kind of depressed that day.

Susan hated to see her friend like this. She wanted to comfort Abby, keeping her company but all she did was telling her how sorry she was. She **was** sorry. She never wanted Abby to feel like this. Maybe because she knew this feeling all to well.

She was heartbroken when John left her.. or well… when she made him leave her. Susan played the tough woman in front of him but when she finally reached her apartment she broke down and cried the whole night. She wasn't as tough as she seemed to be. She liked John, a lot. Maybe she was about to fall in love with him. But those things didn't matter anymore. He was in love with Abby and she had to learn to accept that. And so she did…

But things changed.

Today was the day. Carter's first day back. Susan was excited and nervous like hell. She looked forward to seeing him again. And she wanted to find out why he broke up with Abby. She was sure it had nothing to do with her, although she wished that John finally discovered that he loved her, but such a thing would never happen.

She searched her bag for the little mirror. "Oh my god I look horrible" she shouted out loudly trying to straigthen her hair. "Where the hell is my make up" She had tears in her eyes "Carter cant see me like this". Finally she found her makeup and made her way to the bathroom.. She used some make up for her and took some mascara for her eyes. She breathed with relief. The picture in the mirror now seemed more friendly to her.

"Okay" she sighed "better than nothing" she laughed at herself for doing all this just to impress a man.. A friend. A friend who showed absolutely no interest in her. She shook her head "Yeah, why am I doing all this? For what? Its not like he'll show any interest in me anyway." But she couldn't help it. She still had feelings for him. Even after almost a year.

She left the bathroom and waited for him by the entrance.

Carter was freezing when he left the train. After all it was winter in Chicago. Right now he missed Africa., just because of the temperatures. Chicago was covered in snow. He loved the snow but right now he wanted nothing but being at a warmer placer and so he fastened his steps. It took him only a few minutes to reach County. He stood in front of the main entrace and breathed slowly in and out. He hadn't missed working at County.. but he had missed the people there. His friends. He thought about Abby. Would it be awkward talking to her? Would they still be friends after he broke up with her by a letter? He shook his head. She needed time. He needed time. He broke up with her for a reason. He wasn't in love with her like everyone thought. He was with her because everyone pushed him in her directon. He liked Abby and so he thought he could make it work. But he couldn't.

When he was in Africa he had a lot of time to think about his relationship with Abby. Abby was a great woman and sure she was beautiful, nice and lovely but he didn't love her the way it should be. No butterflies turning his stomach up and down. No bell ringing all the time when they kissed. Not a warm feeling streaming through his whole body when they made love. Nothing. And so he decided to do what was best and to break up with her before it got too serious. Doing it by sending a letter sure wasn't the best way but he didn't want to wait any longer.

He shook his head. It was time for him to go in. So he took one last deep breath and made his way to the admin area.

When he saw Susan he smiled. She was watching her hands .. playing around with her fingers. It seemed like she was nervous. She was cute when she did this. He watched her for awhile before running up to her

"Hey" he called out

Susan's head popped up and her eyes widened

"Hey" she said with a shy smile "Is that you under the beard?"

He laughed blushing slightly "Yeah.. its me… do I look horrible?"

"No.. you don't, you never look horrible.. you look great.. just a bit thin, you lost some weight, haven't you?"

"Yeah that's right … but not too much though. " he smiled at her

"Uhm.. Carter?" she asked slowly

"Yes Susan?"

"Uhm you wanna grab something to eat when you're off?.. I´m kinda worried because you look so thin.. I thought .. maybe I can cook some spaghetti or something like that.."

"Sure." he watched her "That would be great." he laughed at Susan's comment

"You work until 7 right?"

"Yeah .. seven"

"Ok what about .. uhm 8 o´clock then?"

"All right ..see you then." He looked at her feeling a warm feeling running through his body.

"Its good to have you back." Susan answered as she lightly touched his arm

"Its good to be back." He smiled at her one last time and went away

tbc


	2. Chapter 2

A/N .. many thanks for all the reviews : ) thanks to Michele (lova ya), Carmen (hug), Michelle (I´m glad you like the story even if its not a Marsan ) , thanks also to crazydreamer16, Mrs. Clooney, Flick, gezzy and Paly (muchas gracias). I´m glad you all like my story.. thanks to Michelle for beta-reading this part : )

So here is

**Part 2 **

Enjoy

As Susan left the train she felt some butterflies fluttering in her stomach and a grin began to spread along her face. _It's a date_, she thought.

"No, it's not a date," she said to herself. "It's only two friends hanging around with each other…nothing more, nothing less."

She entered her apartment and ran through to the kitchen. She wanted to check if there was something cookable in the house, otherwise she needed to go shopping for groceries. Thank God, there was some spaghetti left and she had some sauce in the refrigerator.

She looked at the clock. It read 10:12 am. There were still 10 hours left so she decided to go to bed; she was tired as hell and feeling like she would pass out any moment.

She undressed herself and made her way to the bedroom. She uncovered the bed and lay down. Within minutes she was fast asleep.

**Later at County**

It was weird for Carter to be back. He has worked at County for 10 years now, but the few months in the Congo had changed everything. He loved working at County, but the Congo was special. Hard but special. He missed working there and helping people who had no chance to go to a normal hospital. Maybe someday…he would go back.

County seemed empty. And thank goodness he hadn't seen Abby all day. He knew he had to talk to her, but not now. He didn't even know what to say.

"Oh, I'm sorry Abby…you were nice but I was never in love with you."

No, that wasn't a good thing. _Think about something nicer,_ he thought and made his way to take care of the next patient.

When Susan opened her eyes it was dark outside.. She was shocked. She never slept that long. The clock read 6:30pm and Susan jumped out of the bed.

"Damn," she screamed. "I have to get ready."

As she passed the mirror she almost fainted. "Oh my God," she called out. "I look horrible."

Within seconds she entered the bathroom and turned on the shower. She took off her bra and panties and stepped in the shower. The hot water felt good on her still aching muscles. She groaned. Her back hurt like hell. She needed a massage, so badly. Maybe she should return to her yoga course.

_At least…do something_, she thought. She washed her hair and remained in the shower a little longer than planned.

When she stepped out of the shower, she covered herself in a large towel and left the bathroom. While making her way to the bedroom she thought about what she should wear. Jeans and a normal T-shirt? Or a skirt and a blouse, maybe a dress? No, a dress would be too much. She entered her bedroom and opened the cupboard. She looked through her clothes and finally picked out a light blue denim skirt and a dark top. She dressed herself and got her hair done. After using some make up, some mascara and a bit of lipgloss, she decided that she liked the picture in the mirror. She smiled

_And all for a man who isn't even interested in me,_ she laughed lightly and made her way to the kitchen.

Carter was on his way at home. With a smile on his face he entered the apartment door. He thought about Susan. She was a very good friend and he loved to hang out with her, to talk to her, laugh with her. He had never laughed more with a woman before; not with Abby, or one of his other girlfriends. Lately he had given his past relationship with Susan a lot of thought.

Why didn't it work out with the two of them? Susan considered that there was no chemistry, but was that really the truth? She even accused him of being in love with Abby. Ok, maybe he had had some feelings towards Abby at that moment but he never thought about cheating on Susan. He wasn't that kind of man. But Susan was right, he wanted to be with Abby at that time. But he was wrong about his feelings – he didn't love Abby, maybe he was just sexually attracted to her and for a while it was great to be with her. But he wanted more…he wanted great sex **and** love. All of it.

He took a quick shower, still thinking about his past relationships with Abby and Susan. The thoughts just wouldn't leave his head. After the shower he dressed himself. As he looked at the mirror he froze for a while. Should he? Or should he not? He gave it a few more thoughts and then went back to the bathroom. He took a few deep breaths and took the razor.

The spaghetti were almost finished and Susan tasted the sauce.

"Argh…damn that's hot," she screamed while running up to the sink and getting some water for her burned tongue. After the pain vanished she decided to set the table. For a short moment she thought about lighting some candles but she decided against it.

_A little bit too much for just a dinner with a normal friend_, she mumbled.

She got ready and took another few deep breaths. _Was this really just a normal dinner? Was John really just a normal friend? What was this all about? _She shook her head and waited for John to arrive.

He took 2 steps at a time. He was a bit late and so he wanted to catch up. Finally he was in front of her door. He was short of breath so he took a moment to calm down, then he rang the bell.

'_Wow'_ was the first word that popped into his mind. She looked gogeous and her perfume smelled great.

"Hey," he smiled softly.

"Hey back, stranger," she answered also smiling. "I see you decided to get rid of the beard. Good decision." She laughed.

"Yeah well, just for you."

"Stop flirting with me," she answered and pushed him inside.

"Sorry," he said, slightly embarrassed. "Well, I got tired of the beard and like you said, it made me older than I actually am…so I took it off."

"Well, like I said, good decision," she smiled again and looked at Carter.

"Uhm, want to take off your coat?" she asked looking up at him.

"Yeah, of course," he took of his coat and handed it to her.

"Smells great. Spaghetti?" he asked.

She laughed. "Yeah well, it's the only dish I can make without burning it."

"Ahhh, don't put yourself down Susan, you're a good cook."

"How can you say that, I never cooked for you."

"Uhm, well, you have a point."

They both laughed and made their way to the living room.

"You want to have a glass of wine?" Susan asked.

"Sure, why not. I'm off from work tomorrow morning, so…"

Susan opened the bottle and poured out two glasses of red wine. She handed him one glass and started to make a toast.

"To you. And welcome back. I missed you," she whispered.

"Thank you. I really missed you too. Cheers."

"Cheers."

They both took a sip of their wine.

"Please, sit down. I'll serve the dinner," she insisted.

Carter looked around. He saw two candles on the cupboard. He went over to it, took the candles and set them down on the table. While lighting them he asked himself, _what the hell am I doing here, this is not a date_. But it was too late.

Susan came out of the kitchen with the bowl of spaghetti and sauce in her hands. When she saw the lit candles she almost stumbled.

"Wow, you lit candles."

"Uh, yeah I did. I thought…it would be nice," he answered.

"It is." She nodded. "Hope you're hungry."

"You bet I am," he took the bowls out of her hands and set them down of the table.

Susan sat down and they both started to fill theire plates.

"Well, enjoy." She looked him in the eyes

"I will."

…and they both started to eat.

**tbc**


End file.
